It is time to listen to some quiet voices of reason in the arguments over people of Muslim faith.
From Ground Zero to Yorba Linda, from Gainesville, Fla. to UCI, from Elk Grove to Disneyland, we sway one way or the other while whoever shouts the loudest leads the debates.
Should Disney cast members be allowed to wear the hijab scarf? Is Orange County’s District Attorney discriminating against students by charging them for interrupting the Israeli ambassador? As a councilwoman suggested, should Muslims be dispatched to heaven?
To shed light on these thorny post-9/11 issues, I asked two media-shy Muslim women to talk publicly about their experience. I believe it’s important to hear from women since they are the supposed underdogs of the Islamic faith. I also thought we need to hear from the silent majority, not those armed with attorneys and megaphones
Sisters, they finally agreed to talk. Then they reluctantly agreed that we could take photos. Only one wears a hijab. Good luck guessing which one.
One is a vice president for a major cable company. The other is a successful banker.
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Before we get to the terrorists – and the sisters agree there are such whack jobs (my term) – let’s get to know Shabnam Dewji and her older sister, Yasmin Kermalli.
The sisters are two among the world’s 1.57 billion Muslims. That’s 23 percent of the world’s population. Comparatively few Muslims live in the United States, only 7 million. Most live in Asia or Africa.
Kermalli and Dewji were born in Zanzibar, an island off the east coast of Africa. Of Indian descent, the family in the mid-1960s moved to Dubai after Zanzibar – an Arab dynasty – became part of Tanzania. Dewji, now 49, was 3; Kermalli, 54, was 8.
Most family members eventually made their way to Europe, Canada and the United States. Dewji’s husband, now in advertising, was accepted to a Louisiana university. That’s where she started life as an American.
Dewji married without a hijab (pronounced he-jahb), but when she started having children, like parents of many faiths, she decided to return to the roots of her religion.
The Quran calls for women to dress modestly. Dewji decided to honor that calling.
Just as the Bible doesn’t require women to dress like the Flying Nun, the Quran doesn’t ask women to wear burqas, the covering from head to foot; nor does the Quran require the face veil recently outlawed in France.
Of the different types of dress, the sisters caution to differentiate between religious and cultural attire.
Dewji, a Fullerton resident, says that when she speaks to younger Muslim women she explains, “I cover my hair, not my mind.”
So what’s up with Kermalli not wearing a hijab?
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Kermalli, who has an adult son and daughter, explains that maybe someday she’ll wear a hijab. Or maybe not. She calls it a personal choice.
Dewji’s 9-year-old daughter wears a hijab. It was her choice. For Girl Scouts, she wears a Girl Scout uniform with the hijab.
After the March killing of a Sikh man who was wearing traditional headwear in Elk Grove, Ca., I ask Dewji if she worries about her daughter. Mom says no worries. Dewji also declares that her faith and choice of attire has never been an issue.
I press. Dewji acknowledges that some Muslims and women wearing hijab’s have been the targets of hate crimes. But that hasn’t been her experience – not during promotions, not while shopping, not while driving, not while traveling.
That tolerance and respect is worth celebrating. Sure, the United States has its problems. But we’re not France.
With millions of Muslims – and many religions – we haven’t abandoned the First Amendment.
Sitting in the living room of Kermalli’s Anaheim home, we discuss the roots of Muslim terrorism. The sisters point out that extreme poverty and illiteracy plays a big role. Some attend schools taught by fanatics who misinterpret the Quran to justify their own ends.
Dewji, who also has two older sons, offers, “We Muslims can be our own worst enemy.”
Could it be that the screamers on both sides are a tiny minority?
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Kermalli, a bank senior specialist in global client services, sits facing a big-screen television (her favorite show is CBS’ “The Good Wife”) and explains that she and her husband moved to the United States, in part, because of the nation’s acceptance of diversity.
After visiting far-flung relatives, Kermalli says, “I come back here and say, ‘Thank God, I’m here.’ I love this country.”
Dewji offers that Saudi Arabia was the most uncomfortable country she’s visited. But it’s not because of Islam. It’s the Saudi culture, she says, that discriminates against women.
What about Muslim women having to stand and walk behind men? Dewji says that’s only during prayer so that the focus remains on spirituality.
I ask if she’s brainwashed, a common refrain in some circles about Muslim women. The communications company vice president smiles patiently.
We tick through recent stories. Of the Yorba Linda name-calling, Kermalli calls it sad. Of a Disneyland employee who wasn’t allowed to wear a hijab, the sisters question why the woman didn’t simply ask to be transferred. Of the charges against the UCI students, she wonders if the D.A. overreacted.
At the same time, Kermalli, whose husband has a bookbinding business, says that guests should be treated with respect. She offers that the students could have protested outside.
We drift into a discussion about sports. Both sisters are big fans. Kermalli loves going to Angel Stadium but, with pricier tickets, generally roots for her beloved Ducks via television.
A photographer starts taking photographs and the women act like, well, like sisters.
Dewji giggles, “Ready for your glamour shot?”
As American as apple pie.