On hearing that Madonna is reading the Koran, and might be converting from Kabbalism to Islam, I must admit that my first reaction was not sorrow or outrage but rather a bone-deep weariness.

Ever the cynic, I can't help thinking that the only reason Madge would ever don a niqab would be as a handy cover on those awkward days when she's overdosed on facial fillers. But I understand that there are other reasons why women take this strange Stockholm-Syndromey step:

1) They're thick (see Lauren Booth).

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