Too many Muslim men are misogynists

If the West carries on admitting large numbers of migrants it must insist they respect our values

I was not surprised by the mass sexual attacks against German women during New Year’s Eve celebrations in Cologne. Shocked by the scale and the audacity of them, yes, but not remotely surprised. When Angela Merkel announced her decision to take in 800,000 refugees this summer, my sisters and I immediately predicted that this was going to lead to big problems for Western women.

In 1993, when I was 17 and my sister were 12 and 11, our family moved to the Turkish capital, Ankara, because of my father’s job with the UN’s refugee agency, the UNHCR. For the next two years we were leered at, jeered at, hissed at, groped and touched, again and again and again, every single time we left the house. The only time this treatment lessened was if we went out with my father. Once I was groped and hit in the face right outside the president’s palace. The guards responded by hooting and laughing and shoving their pelvises at me.

Of course, not all Muslim men behave this way. Not all Muslim societies allow such misogynistic behaviour. I have never been insulted by, say, a sub-Saharan African Muslim or an Indonesian. But the confluence of certain cultural mores with particular interpretations of Islam, and particular understandings about Western women, can produce the toxic brew I’ve experienced.

For example, when we were in Turkey, dark-haired Western women suffered significantly less harassment and we concluded that this was happening because we were pale and blonde. Male Muslim friends later confirmed that many of their peers consider all Western women “whores”, but associate this most strongly with blonde women. Why? We are rarer, more distinct from “their” women, and still highly objectified in our own societies. They associate us with the peroxide performers they see involved in sexual acrobatics in pornographic films and assume this is an accurate portrayal of who we are.

To me, this is akin to thinking all Arab and North African-looking men must be suicide bombers because the terrorists we see on TV look like them. Such a blanket association would, rightly, not be acceptable in liberal, Western society. Yet this same society seems to shy away from holding men from Muslim backgrounds to similar standards.

It is this that disturbs me almost as much as the mass sexual molestation in Germany. It makes me fear for the future. To begin with the police in Cologne tried not to publicise the ethnicity of the attackers. The city’s mayor suggested women keep their distance. Perhaps she thinks they should cover their hair too?

I gave up talking to people about how I was treated by Muslim men a long time ago. Most became uncomfortable, muttered things about cultural sensitivity, or accused me of racism. Yet Islam is not a race, it is a religion; a belief system, a set of cultural constructs and values that are open to interpretation and change. Being white, blonde and female, on the other hand, are constants.

Naturally, the West is not always a bastion of sexual equality and respect. But in my experience the worst examples of misogyny do come from Muslim societies, and disproportionate numbers of Muslim men hold misogynist views. So while we must respect the plight of refugees, I have rights too. So do those German women who were, in my view, subjected too a hate crime. Certainly my attackers always left me feeling hated and dehumanised.

If liberal Europe wants to continue with the current level of Muslim immigration it needs to have an urgent debate about how much cultural relativity it is prepared to tolerate. It needs to stop clinging to the idea that “cultural imperialism” is a purely white western thing, or that to criticise aspects of another culture is to criticise all of it. We need to decide what our values are, protect them and insist that new arrivals respect them.

The harassment I suffered has left a lasting legacy, left me deeply distrustful of all male attention. Intimate relationships have been problematic and I ended up having a child on my own. I don’t want my daughter to be distorted by similar experiences.

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